01-19-2009, 10:25 PM
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Member Level: Rising Star
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: The World of Hurt
Posts: 473
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Bad Reviews: A Nostalgic Look
Join me in celebrating the glorious bad reviews of 2008:
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This slimy, slug-minded mystery thriller starts out dead on arrival and then, like three-day-old fish, gets really bad really fast. And it stays bad, ensnaring its star and every other cast member in its wretched net.
-Joe Neumaier for 88 Minutes
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The final third is a stretch of moviemaking so utterly lacking in coherence and competence that Ed Wood himself would have been embarrassed to have had his good name attached to the results.
- Peter Sobczynski for Babylon A.D
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Pretty junky stuff, but it is notable for one oddball thing: the end credits attribute someone as 'Personal Chef of Nicolas Cage' and someone else as 'Assistant to Personal Chef of Nicolas Cage'. Yikes.
- Dustin Putman for Bangkok Dangerous
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[A]n astonishment, so idiotic in conception and inept in execution that, after seeing it, one almost wonders whether it was real or imagined. -Christopher Orr for The Happening
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All that’s missing is the head alien of Plan 9 From Outer Space dropping by to lecture the populace for disrespecting nature: 'Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!'
-David Edelstein for The Happening
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I have seen many execrable films -- Plan 9 From Outer Space, Disaster Movie, Batman & Robin -- but never has a movie made me so physically ill.
-Michael Hardy for Quarantine
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It's hard to put into words just how excruciatingly painful it is to watch Disaster Movie, but let's just say it will make you appreciate those dreadful experiences in your life like, say, going to the dentist or waiting in line at the DMV.
-Adam Tobias for Disaster Movie
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And yet, my friends, a new year is upon us:
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To call this Kevin James comedy fatuous might be misinterpreted as an attack on the star's girth -- so how about inane, tepid, lazy, puerile, phony, and unfunny?
-Andrea Gronvall for Paul Blart: Mall Cop
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HAPPY 2009 EVERYBODY!
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Sarcasm: It's What's for Dinner@!
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